We're gonna make it afterall

Its been too overwhelming to blog lately. I do not deal well with saying "goodbye."

On Wednesday, I had my "last" lunch with Cara and Aimee, and on Thursday we all got together for our last dinner-- at least for a while. On Friday I frantically packed and and took loads of stuff over to the recycling center, Goodwill, Negro & Frida's, etc. I spent much of the afternoon hanging out with John and Cara; they have bought our house and are moving in, so they brought some stuff over and we had a good time chatting while I was packing. Selling the house to some of our best friends has really made this whole thing go so smoothly!

Friday night there was a farewell at the Embassy with the Anthro people. Rob and I were both so exhausted that we thought we'd only stay an hour or so, but we ended up staying until after midnight. Chatted at great length with S.L., who again reminded me not to freak out about things beyond my control. Before the night was over, he even gave me a hug-- which brings me to a grand total of 3 S.L hugs in the past 4 years of grad school (the previous 2 hugs occurred at my pre-lim party). It was hard saying goodbye to Negro, Frida, Greg and Bugaboo. Frida's suggestion was instead to say "Hasta pronto," which I could handle much better. I've included an Embassy photo of some of the gang seated around a table.


After a too few hours of sleep, Rob and I got up early this morning to finish loading up our stuff. The whole process caused me huge levels of anxiety-- there was a long period of time when it looked like our house had sort of thrown up its contents, with random items strewn all over the place. We've taken umpteen van-loads of stuff up to Rob's grandparents, and this morning we fit all final remaining objects into the van and Iris. I took pictures to show how loaded we were.



I took a final walk-through of the house, went outside to look at the pond and the garden. Came back in and started bawling. We lived in this house for 5 years, but in some strange way it never really felt like home. Even so, I guess I've grown attached to the place. I didn't think I was gonna be able to leave. I realized that for the first time in a long, long while, I am truly happy and truly feel like I belong. It took me so long to make it here-- to get into grad school and to really be a part of the "circle," as Negro calls it. Now that I've finally got it, I am leaving it all behind to go off into the complete unknown. I feel like its the end of the "salad days"-- bike rides with Aimee, Brett, et al., dinners with the whole gang, hanging out at the Embassy with Anthro folks, chatting in my office in the department. It almost reminds me of the night before Amy left for college-- when she had everybody over to her house one last time, and how when it was time to leave I stood the bottom of the staircase crying, unable to leave because I felt like once I walked out the door nothing was ever going to be certain again.

Rob told me that selling the house, storing or getting rid of all our belongings, and moving to Nicaragua for a year isn't the end of everything. Its just the end of Phase One. I asked him "How many phases are there?" And he said "A zillion."

Somehow, I took a deep breath and walked out of the house. Rob drove the van and I drove Iris. I cried all the way to D-ville.

On the way, I think I got most of the crying out of me. We got to Rob's parents' house and had a party with his extended family. Afterwords, we drove the van to his grandparents' to store the rest of our stuff in their basement. On the way back to his parents' (where we're staying the last few days before we leave for Nic), Rob took my hand and started singing his own rendition of the Mary Tyler Moore theme song: "We're gonna make it afterall...." We stopped for ice cream on the way back to celebrate.